Broken Hearts and Broken Windows

I tried.

Pickles had court on Wednesday. The first charge was for truancy (from last school year), the second charge was theft. He tried to shoplift over $300 worth of merchandise from Sears.

The judge was ready to put him in jail. I should have let him. Maybe that's what he needs to see. Maybe that'll be what it takes for him to understand.

He's been going to school. Trying to make an effort.

But I guess when he saw he wasn't going to jail, he lost his little goofy mind.

He had a ride to get back to school after court, so I let him go. He didn't go back to school. Didn't come home. He didn't go to school Thursday. Didn't come home Thursday.

Late Friday morning the school called and told me he arrived late.  I didn't pay too much attention to it. I was just glad he had dragged himself to school.

Friday afternoon 'Cole texted me and said someone had broken the window of her bedroom and taken some money out of her bank. When I got home I noticed some clothes on the basement stairs. Pickles shirt... the one he had wore to court. That's when I knew who had been in my house.
I checked all the other windows, made sure nothing else was stolen. Filed a police report. I asked 'Cole how much money she was missing. She said a dollar and some change.

He swears he didn't break the window. He even had his alibi ready. He was on another side of town with my friend's son all afternoon. He couldn't have done it.

 But I know the truth.

He didn't do this in the afternoon. He did this Friday morning. After everyone left for work and school. He took the money for bus fare so he could get to school. That's why he got to school late.

My good boy. The one I never imagined would be this way.
My heart doesn't even have time to mend itself, before he does something else. Something worse.

There are things in my head that I never imagined I think about one of my children.
A dislike that grows with every incident. A coldness that fills me when I look at him.
Now...I'm just tired.

Parenting Redux

Over this summer, I have learned alot about the type of parent I want to be. I see the mistakes I made with my son, and I have an almost profound understanding of what happened.

Lives have to have meaning. Definition.

I allowed him to meander through his life without purpose and now I see the error of that. His life was full of school stuff and home stuff. There was nothing else (well, except for vacations and outings and such) But there was nothing there to motivate him, feed his mind.
Now I'm dealing with the results of a starved mind. A mind that needed purpose.
I didn't know.

In learning this about him, I also learned it about myself.

When I became a parent I stopped doing the things I loved.. Drawing, painting, writing. My own mind became starved.
And I didn't even know.

He wants piano lessons. I will sign him up for piano lessons.

It's never to late to change. (hopefully)
I promise to do better.

And So I Pray....

Why didn't anybody TELL me that being the parent of teenagers was going to be so hard. Why ? Why ? Why ?

I know Pickles could be much, much worse. I know that he is trying to figure out who he is and where he's going. I know all that stuff.

All I'm asking for is a little common sense.

And I still have to look forward to the twins becoming teenagers.
My head hurts just thinking about it.

In Other News

We need a new roof. Every time it storms the wind blows shingles off. I've got a few estimates and the insurance company agreed we needed a new roof... so they're paying for it.

Hopefully the work starts this week and it can stop raining in my house.

Our dog Java gave birth to 10 puppies. One died at birth. So for a while we had nine adorable balls of fluff running around. As soon as they were old enough I started giving away puppies. We only have one left, and he belongs to my sister and brother-in-law. He's a cutie pie, but I don't want anymore dogs.

Almost Summer

I never seem to have time to blog anymore , but this is probably the time I need it the most.
This school year is slowly coming to an end... and I will be the first one to admit I'm happy to see it go.
Pickles has school attendance issues almost this entire school year. Somewhere along the way he's decided that he knows EVERYTHING he needs to know and doesn't see the point in an education. He told me he "has bigger dreams than what a high school diploma can give him" and that he " isn't going to work a 9 to 5 job, because he's going to be famous."

Tomorrow we have to go to Truancy Court, where he'll have to explain why he doesn't seem to be able to make it to school.

I am physically and emotionally drained. I have done everything I could short of quiting my job and walking him to school everyday. He hates school. Period. Always has. Before he became my son (age 8- third grade) He had been in seven different schools. His early life was about survival...not education.
He's blamed everyone and everything for his school issues, but in reality it's all him. The school has offered tutoring, the teachers offer extra help, I've sat down and tried to help him. Family members have tried to help him. People I work with have tried to guide him. He just sees it all as absolutely pointless.

Part of it is his personality. He's so laid-back and easy going, he has no ambition. None. He doesn't want to do ANYTHING he has to work hard for. He's not a bad kid. He's not disrespectful, he doesn't mess with drugs or alcohol. he just wants to do what he wants to do. (Hang out with his friends, shoot hoops, play video games)

Lately it seems like all my time and energy is spent dealing with him. I feel sooo bad for my daughters, they probably feels like they doesn't have a parent. I'm thinking about sending him to summer camp, we ALL just need a break for his drama.

I know I said it once, but I'll say it again....I'm tired.

Happy 17th !!

Always so proud of this beautiful girl. I know she feels unappreciated. I know I need to do better. Lately, I've been so involved in drama with Pickles, I've forgotten how happy this kid makes me.
She turned 17 years old on April 16th. One of her gifts from me was a trip to the Jersey Shore. She invited her best friend along and they had tons of fun. Ocean City, Atlantic City and everywhere in between. She gathered giant seashells from a beach, they shopped for cool stuff on the boardwalk, they walked along the beach and danced in the water. (It was way too cold for swimming.)

I'm happy and sad at the same time to see her grow up.
I feel like my house is full of so much drama, that the good kids and the ones who are trying just get pushed aside.
It makes my heart hurt.

But this weekend was stress-free. We had fun. The other kids were at home with the babysitter.
I felt soooo carefree and relaxed. I miss feeling like that.

'Cole...I love you. I hope you know it.

In Other News...

'Cole has been accepted into the Medical Assisting Program at the career center. Very hard program to get into, I'm very proud of her.

The twins are doing well in school. I'm exploring summer camp options for them. They absolutely need to stay busy during the summer.