Guess Who's Back

Remember those old commercials for Nationwide Insurance...the Life Comes At You Fast series ?

Well I have learned that not only does life come at you fast, it also is Unmerciful. Unforgiving. And Unkind.

Especially, when you are the parent of teens.

Everyone is growing up in some way, shape or form.
'Cole is now 18 and in her final year of high school.
Pickles is 17. And well...hopefully one day he'll end up with a GED. Right now I'd just like for all his legal troubles (long , long story) to be over.
Daisy and Pinky are 14. Everyday is filled with 14-year old girl drama. They are a walking soap opera.

And me ?
Well, I'm still hanging in there. But I tell you...it's been hell.
But somewhere along the way I've began to learn about myself. And I've learned the things that once made me happy, no longer fulfill me. I've learned that there's no such thing as a perfect parent (especially in the eyes of a teenager) And I'm learning to be OK with that.

Maybe It's Me

Maybe I'm not doing this right. Maybe everything I thought about parenting is wrong,

Maybe I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

I'm starting to feel like I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

I wonder if it's because all these kids are now teenagers ? lol

After a HUGE blowup yesterday between 'Cole and the twins, I feel like my home is full of chaos.

Here's the problem(s)

'Cole thinks that the twins get away with too much. They don't respect her. She thinks I don't discipline them enough. When they do something she perceives as disrespect she's ready to bash their heads in. Literally.

The twins think that 'Cole is the "favorite" child and gets EVERYTHING she wants. They don't listen to her because...well they don't respect her.

Huge fight occurred yesterday while I was at the grocery store. Ended with the twins fleeing the house for their lives.
Safely plan has been in place since the last BIG blowup...about a year ago.

'Cole struggles to control her anger.  Once she gets to her breaking point you can't pull her back. It's best to give her a lot of space and let her cool down. When she's in that state of mind you can't reason with her or talk to her. All she sees is what she perceives as an attack on her person.

The twins on the other hand are mouthy 13 years olds. They really don't know when to quit. Really. They think they're pretty tough. They talk a lot of trash.

Unfortunately, 'Cole isn't amused at their bravado.

And to think this whole situation started over the chore list.

Family Life

Time marches on. This weekend we spent the morning picking apples and pumpkins at our favorite farm. Lynd's Fruit Farm.  The apples there are sooooo sweet. I can't wait to make something with them.  My mother used to make fried apple pies. That sounds so good right now.  I live for these family moments. They bring light into my life. I don't have many memories of my cousins growing up. I can't recall going on any family outings.

13

Today my two youngest daughters turn 13.
They are good girls (mostly) lol
They love roller skating, cheerleading, facebook and music.

The have wishes and hopes and dreams.
They are beautiful and kind.

They are emotional and silly.
They wear their hearts on their sleeves.
They make me happy when skies are gray.
Quick to anger, but even quicker to forgive.

They've been my daughters since they were 4 years old.
I can't believe how quickly time has flew by.

Happy Birthday.  I love you both.

Broken Hearts and Broken Windows

I tried.

Pickles had court on Wednesday. The first charge was for truancy (from last school year), the second charge was theft. He tried to shoplift over $300 worth of merchandise from Sears.

The judge was ready to put him in jail. I should have let him. Maybe that's what he needs to see. Maybe that'll be what it takes for him to understand.

He's been going to school. Trying to make an effort.

But I guess when he saw he wasn't going to jail, he lost his little goofy mind.

He had a ride to get back to school after court, so I let him go. He didn't go back to school. Didn't come home. He didn't go to school Thursday. Didn't come home Thursday.

Late Friday morning the school called and told me he arrived late.  I didn't pay too much attention to it. I was just glad he had dragged himself to school.

Friday afternoon 'Cole texted me and said someone had broken the window of her bedroom and taken some money out of her bank. When I got home I noticed some clothes on the basement stairs. Pickles shirt... the one he had wore to court. That's when I knew who had been in my house.
I checked all the other windows, made sure nothing else was stolen. Filed a police report. I asked 'Cole how much money she was missing. She said a dollar and some change.

He swears he didn't break the window. He even had his alibi ready. He was on another side of town with my friend's son all afternoon. He couldn't have done it.

 But I know the truth.

He didn't do this in the afternoon. He did this Friday morning. After everyone left for work and school. He took the money for bus fare so he could get to school. That's why he got to school late.

My good boy. The one I never imagined would be this way.
My heart doesn't even have time to mend itself, before he does something else. Something worse.

There are things in my head that I never imagined I think about one of my children.
A dislike that grows with every incident. A coldness that fills me when I look at him.
Now...I'm just tired.

Parenting Redux

Over this summer, I have learned alot about the type of parent I want to be. I see the mistakes I made with my son, and I have an almost profound understanding of what happened.

Lives have to have meaning. Definition.

I allowed him to meander through his life without purpose and now I see the error of that. His life was full of school stuff and home stuff. There was nothing else (well, except for vacations and outings and such) But there was nothing there to motivate him, feed his mind.
Now I'm dealing with the results of a starved mind. A mind that needed purpose.
I didn't know.

In learning this about him, I also learned it about myself.

When I became a parent I stopped doing the things I loved.. Drawing, painting, writing. My own mind became starved.
And I didn't even know.

He wants piano lessons. I will sign him up for piano lessons.

It's never to late to change. (hopefully)
I promise to do better.

And So I Pray....

Why didn't anybody TELL me that being the parent of teenagers was going to be so hard. Why ? Why ? Why ?

I know Pickles could be much, much worse. I know that he is trying to figure out who he is and where he's going. I know all that stuff.

All I'm asking for is a little common sense.

And I still have to look forward to the twins becoming teenagers.
My head hurts just thinking about it.