Maybe It's Me

Maybe I'm not doing this right. Maybe everything I thought about parenting is wrong,

Maybe I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

I'm starting to feel like I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

I wonder if it's because all these kids are now teenagers ? lol

After a HUGE blowup yesterday between 'Cole and the twins, I feel like my home is full of chaos.

Here's the problem(s)

'Cole thinks that the twins get away with too much. They don't respect her. She thinks I don't discipline them enough. When they do something she perceives as disrespect she's ready to bash their heads in. Literally.

The twins think that 'Cole is the "favorite" child and gets EVERYTHING she wants. They don't listen to her because...well they don't respect her.

Huge fight occurred yesterday while I was at the grocery store. Ended with the twins fleeing the house for their lives.
Safely plan has been in place since the last BIG blowup...about a year ago.

'Cole struggles to control her anger.  Once she gets to her breaking point you can't pull her back. It's best to give her a lot of space and let her cool down. When she's in that state of mind you can't reason with her or talk to her. All she sees is what she perceives as an attack on her person.

The twins on the other hand are mouthy 13 years olds. They really don't know when to quit. Really. They think they're pretty tough. They talk a lot of trash.

Unfortunately, 'Cole isn't amused at their bravado.

And to think this whole situation started over the chore list.

Happy 17th !!

Always so proud of this beautiful girl. I know she feels unappreciated. I know I need to do better. Lately, I've been so involved in drama with Pickles, I've forgotten how happy this kid makes me.
She turned 17 years old on April 16th. One of her gifts from me was a trip to the Jersey Shore. She invited her best friend along and they had tons of fun. Ocean City, Atlantic City and everywhere in between. She gathered giant seashells from a beach, they shopped for cool stuff on the boardwalk, they walked along the beach and danced in the water. (It was way too cold for swimming.)

I'm happy and sad at the same time to see her grow up.
I feel like my house is full of so much drama, that the good kids and the ones who are trying just get pushed aside.
It makes my heart hurt.

But this weekend was stress-free. We had fun. The other kids were at home with the babysitter.
I felt soooo carefree and relaxed. I miss feeling like that.

'Cole...I love you. I hope you know it.

In Other News...

'Cole has been accepted into the Medical Assisting Program at the career center. Very hard program to get into, I'm very proud of her.

The twins are doing well in school. I'm exploring summer camp options for them. They absolutely need to stay busy during the summer.

Happy 16th Birthday !!

April 16th, 2010


Dearest 'Cole,
I remember 12 years ago a caseworker called me and asked me if I was interested in adopting a four-year old girl. I told her sure and she said she would bring a picture of the little girl out to me. She came over the next day with a manila folder that contained a picture and some info about you. I looked at the picture and knew immediately without any doubt in my mind that this little girl was my daughter.

I remember the first time we met at your foster mother's house. You came over and sat next to me and we talked. I felt my heart sing.

Over the years we have experienced so many things together. We’ve grown up together. We’ve laughed together. We’ve cried together.

You have been my daughter for twelve years. I love you immeasurably. You have brought so much joy into my life. You are my daughter and my friend. I have enjoyed watching you grow up to become the young woman you are today. You are a great person. I am honored and humbled to be called your mother.

I hope your future is full of wonderful things. I hope we share many more adventures together. Happy 16th Birthday.


With lots of love,
Mommy

Kip's Great Adventure

Last weekend we met Cole's new "boyfriend", "Kip". He came by last Saturday and then came back around on Monday.

Cole, Kip and Pinky walked to a nearby park. Pinky didn't take her coat, so they decided to come back to the house to get it for her. Cole and Pinky came in the house and Kip stood in our front yard messing around with his bike.

Cole was standing in the door waiting for Pinky and watching Kip when she realized that Rowdy was in the house.
Mommy: "Don't let the dog out."
Cole (in her best annoyed teen-girl voice): " I'm not gonna let the dog out."

It was at that exact moment that she opened the storm door and allowed it to shut. But in our lovely home you have to PULL the door shut to get it to latch. She didn't do that. Rowdy, hearing the door open, sprang to his feet and shot out into the front yard.

Rowdy circled Kip twice and proceeded to um...how shall I say this nicely....
ummmm....he proceeded to make happy with Kip's leg.

Rowdy can be a bit intense when he is "making happy" with a leg. He was humping like crazy. Had a good grip. He was really enjoying that leg. Really. enjoying. it.a lot.
Kip was screaming "Help ! Help ! I'm being violated !" and " You're the mom, you're not supposed to laugh."

Yes, I'll admit it. I laughed. I laughed hard. I almost wet myself.

Meanwhile, Cole is now in the front yard posing like Miss America, checking her nails...fixing her hair.
Mommy: Aren't you going to help your boyfriend ?!?"
Cole: " Ewww...I don't want to get dirty."

Pickles is the house watching the scene from the window laughing his head off.
Pinky finally dislodged the dog from Kip's leg and poor, poor Kip made a beeline for the house.

It took us about 5 minutes to round up the dog,(he gets really excited after he's had him some leg) and Kip finally went back outside after we put Rowdy in the house.

I told Cole in passing if he still talks to you after all that, he must really like you a lot.

He's still talking to her.

Mother's Day 2009

It actually turned out pretty good. Pickles and 'Cole helped me make a huge breakfast. We had Pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs and toast.

I mostly just sat around and tried to relax.

I did want to go to the zoo, but I didn't feel like spending money on people who steal.

I love love LOVE the card that 'Cole gave me, which said :

"Sometimes I look at everything
That's going on in this world
and I thank the Lord for the mama he gave me.
A loving mama to hold me in her arms,
but a strong mama who knows
when to let me go...

A hardworking mama
to teach me diligence
but a joyous mama
who knows how to cut loose.
A brave mama to discipline me,
but a wise mama
who knows the difference
between being trifling and just being a kid.

On Mother's Day and always,
I'm so thankful that the Lord chose me
for that very wonderful mama He made.
And for the very wonderful love we share."

I love that kid. She certainly has a way of saying exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it.

14

"The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave

To the dark and the empty skies, my love" - Celine Dion 'The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face'

Today 'Cole turned 14. She has been my daughter since she was 4 years old. I cannot imagine my life without her. She has brought me so much joy. I look at the young woman she is becoming and I stand amazed. She has overcame so much, she has a fighter's spirit and a dreamer's heart. A beautiful person, with a little teenage goofiness thrown in for good measure.

Even when she's being a teenage pain in my butt, I can look at her and see a future filled with wonderful things.

My love...I hope you have a wonderful year.

"When I see you smile

I can face the world, oh oh,

You know I can do anything

When I see you smile I see a ray of light, Oh oh, I see it shining right through the rain

When I see you smile

Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me" - Bad English 'When I See You Smile"